The Soundtrack Of My Life

Recently Played: One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks

If I died today and God had asked me how many mistakes I’ve made in my life, I’d probably doubt I’d be allowed to enter heaven. In my eighteen years on earth, I’ve spent much of my time exploring the human world and making mistakes in the process of fulfilling my curiosity. I remember the time when I was still in Grade School - I thought of the world as a really vast space that conceals lots of mysteries waiting to be unraveled. This was the first time I fell in love with science. I was certainly interested in everything surrounding me, and I was very much eager to gain lots of new information. Also, during my school age, I felt the desire to prove myself worthy of other people’s appreciation. It was the period in my life when I was very eager of displaying my knowledge and skills to my family and friends. I somehow enjoyed it every time I was asked to play the piano in front of our visitors, and every time I climbed up the stage during the awarding ceremonies in my school. I strongly felt that there’s a lot that I could prove and show the world. This explains why I could easily reminisce my grade school life upon listening to Jordin Sparks’ “One Step At A Time.”

One Step At A Time

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

When I was 6-12 years of age, I felt that there’s so much around me that I can learn about. However, even if I was curious about everything, I couldn’t have possibly done all the things that I wanted. There are times when I somehow felt limited by my capabilities.

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

The second verse reminds me of how much I wanted to prove everyone that I was the best. Whenever I got a perfect score in school, I went home happily and with pride. I felt that the appreciation and the rewards given by my parents were one of the best things I could experience in my childhood. I can also relate the three previous lines to how I felt whenever I failed to achieve something that I wanted. For example, when I got my first NSH (needs special help, below 75) in Math, I was terribly frustrated and I started doubting my capabilities.

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

One piece of learning I gained during my school age was that there are lots of things to discover, but I don’t necessarily have to do everything all at once. I have all the time ahead of me to explore new things and learn from my mistakes.

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus]

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

[Chorus x2]

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jordinsparks/onestepatatime.html

“One Step At A Time” was the soundtrack of my life during my school age stage. The lyrics remind me of how I wanted to show everyone my abilities. It also makes me remember the mistakes I made that made me feel inferior to everyone else. Now that I’m over this stage, I realized that I learned a lot when I was in Grade School. It’s not just the academics that made me who I am today. It’s the choices and mistakes I’ve gone through during this time of my life.

Now Playing: Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson

When I was in high school, I’ve always been open to everyone that I still didn’t know who exactly I was. Obviously, I was facing what Erikson calls the identity vs. role confusion crisis. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know who I wanted to be. Aside from this, I realized that I was doing too many things at the same time. At first, my cover was that I was just trying to be a well-rounded person, but it recently came to me that I just didn’t know what to choose. I was eager to explore lots about my own personality, but it was very hard for me to commit to what I have chosen to become. I spent a really difficult time in the identity moratorium. Choosing a course was really hard for me, because I was not sure of my goals. My dad kept forcing me to take nursing, but with hard work, I was able to hamper his attempt that could have resulted to my identity foreclosure. Even now that I’m in college, I’m still not certain of who I am. Well, as compared to the last previous years of my life, I’m a little bit confident that I’ve learned a lot through my explorations. One thing I learned is that I want to be a doctor someday, and like several other people, I want to make a change. This explains why my current soundtrack is “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson.

Breakaway

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

The last two lines of the first verse shows what I really want in my life – happiness. ☺

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

I can relate the verse above to the egocentrism I feel in this stage of my life. Like what was discussed in our class, adolescents have the tendency to feel that “nobody else understands.” Apparently, I’m one of these people. I often feel that nobody knows me, and nobody understands my outlook in life.

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

The chorus of the song reminds me of my goals. I want to spread my wings and fly. I want to be the best that I can be. I’m willing to take risks, just so I can make a change. Now that I am discovering my identity and purpose, I will strive hard to be successful.

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kellyclarkson/breakaway.html

To Be Released Soon: Dreamlover by Mariah Carey

Like what Erikson says, the next stage that I’d be facing in my life involves the intimacy vs. isolation dilemma. I will start seeking for people I want to be with for the rest of my life. Of course, this stage involves finding a person who can complement who I am, a person whom I can depend on and love. Mariah Carey’s “Dreamlover” describes how I want the next stage of my life to turn out.

Dreamlover

I need a lover to give me
The kind of love that will last always
I need somebody uplifting
To take me away babe...oh yeah yeah
I want a lover who knows me yeah
Who understands how I feel inside
Someone to comfort and hold me
Through the long lonely nights
Till the dawn
Why don't you take me away

Dreamlover come rescue me
Take me up take me down
Take me anywhere you want to baby now
I need you so desperately
Won't you please come around
'Cause I wanna share forever with you baby

I don't want another pretender
To disillusion me one more time
Whispering words of forever
Playin with my mind
No No (no no no no no no no)
I need someone to hold on to
The kind of love that won't fly away
I just want someone to belong to
Everyday
Of my life
Always
So come and take me away

Dreamlover come rescue me
Take me up take me down
Take me anywhere you want to baby now
I need you so desperately
Won't you please come around
'Cause I wanna share forever with you baby

oh yeah yeah
yeah yeah
baby come and take me away

Dreamlover come rescue me
Take me up take me down
Take me anywhere you want to baby now
I need you so desperately
Won't you please come around -won't you please, pleeeaaassseee
'Cause I wanna share forever with you baby


take me down whoa whoa whoaaa
Won't you please come around

'Cause I wanna share forever with you baby

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Dreamlover-lyrics-Mariah-Carey/E6C01EE98CE8A5BB48256862001335D2

I absolutely want to be with somebody who will accept me for who I am. Since I am spending a hard time finding my own identity, it would be rewarding to find someone who can appreciate the things that I know about myself. I also want to find someone who can stay by my side through fun and hard times.

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