Crush

I couldn’t look him in the eyes.
I smiled whenever I heard his name.
I wanted to see him as often as I could.
My hands felt cold whenever he was around.

All the statements above are cliché, but I’m quite certain I felt all those for my long time crush, whom I’ll address as person X for the rest of this essay. I first met him when I was around 10. He’s the son of my mom’s best friend. We had this small outing in Laguna. Our parents rented a place with a small pool and we kids were allowed to play around the vicinity. I didn’t notice that he was cute right away. I was actually more engrossed in swimming around the pool and meeting all of the kids during that time. I got a chance to mingle with him and I found out that he liked swimming as a sport too. I couldn’t really remember a lot but I know that’s how we got along. I just realized that he was somehow attractive when I got a hold of the developed pictures during the outing. From then on, I knew that X was already my crush. My mom and her best friend decided to bring us (their children) more often whenever they planned to see each other. I remember one instance when our families rented joint bedrooms in a hotel. I saw him again and I got to interact with him more. We were allowed to roam and play around the building, and I developed a stronger liking towards him. We also got a chance to swim together, and that allowed us to bond even more. We exchanged numbers, and that made me realize how makulit and cute he was. He kept ringing my phone even when we were together. I didn’t know how to react. Gosh, kilig. By then, I realized that I found it hard to talk to him and look at him without losing control of my smile. I recall my tita telling me – “O, bakit di mo nilalapitan si X, eh parang gusto ka naman niya kausapin? Kawawa naman, walang kausap.” I can also remember how I replied - “Eh kaya nga bilisan natin maglakad. Hindi ko kaya (kasi sobrang kinikilig ako).” Whenever we saw each other, I felt the same thing. I found everything he did somehow charming. One time, I saw his small brother drinking (or licking) like a dog from X’s glass of water. What surprised me was when X took the glass of water and drank from it like nothing happened. During that time, I thought that it was so cute and appealing for him to have done that. “Awww, ang sweet naman niya sa kapatid niya. Kahit nilawayan na yung tubig niya, ininom pa rin niya.” Now, looking back, I think what I saw was kind of gross. When I reached high school, I still had a crush on him. During my junior year, the prom season came, and everyone started looking for a partner. From the very start, I wished that he could be my date, but I didn’t know how to ask him. Whenever my mom asked me who was coming with me to the prom, I told her that I haven’t asked anyone. I kept saying that until she resolved to find a date for me. Of course, I knew the person she was going to ask. Luckily, my ploy worked, and X came with me to the prom. It was also during that night, though, that I realized how different we were from each other. For instance, we talked about our favorite subjects. I love math, and I hate history. It was actually the other way for him. Also, I told him that I had plans to pursue postgraduate studies. I was somehow turned off when he told me that most likely he’d be too lazy to study after college. I also realized that he was very quiet, as compared to me. He bored me a bit. Now, obviously, he’s no longer my crush.

Upon recalling my story about X, I realized that I could explain how I felt for him in terms of Psychology. First, I liked him because he seemed “available”. As I have said, he’s the son of my mom’s best friend. This relationship between our parents somehow strengthened the connection between me and X. My enjoyable interaction with him as a child influenced how I felt for him. At first, we enjoyed playing and swimming with each other, since we were still kids. Also, my mom and her best friend brought us with them whenever they met in malls and visited each other’s house. I saw him quite frequently, which increased my liking towards him. Second, I found him physically attractive. My mom and my ate both agree with me that he’s a bit cute. Third, I was told by X’s sister that he had a crush on me too. Somehow, I believed that. Perhaps, it raised my self-esteem and I liked him even more. The last factor that predicts attraction explains how I felt for him both when I met him and when I talked to him during my prom. Initially, I saw that we were similar. Of course, we were very young, and we enjoyed playing a lot. I found myself comfortable with him whenever our families went to Timezone or went out of town together. As kids, we were similar in a way that we just wanted to have fun. Back then, we didn’t talk about personal stuff too much. We just enjoyed each other’s company while we both were growing up. That was enough for us get along pretty well. The difference between us, however, mattered to me when we were got a little bit older. We were no longer kids who were content in just playing with one another. We started talking about how we saw ourselves as individuals, and our conversations had to be more meaningful. By then, I realized that we were already very unique from each other. As what I’ve mentioned, when I was talking to him during the prom, I realized that we had different interests and outlooks. Also, I found out he’s no longer my type. He was silent, and I couldn’t stand someone who just won’t talk as much as I do.

What I felt for X before was a manifestation of all the factors determining attraction toward a person. Indeed, I found him cute, attractive, and we had family connections. Also, reciprocal liking affected how I felt. Our similarity (and non-similarity), meanwhile, determined how we got along at first and how I realized that I didn’t like him anymore when we were a little bit older. So far, I haven’t met someone I like who can beat the five-year record I’ve spent having a crush on X. Now that I’m already more mature, I realized that it takes a lot more than physical attraction and proximity to have an enduring attraction towards somebody.

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I LIKE YOU

“I like you.”

This is what I told a few of my lucky friends last Monday, in celebration of the Psych 101 non-conformity day. For me, being a nonconformist is choosing to not be influenced by the society’s views and demands. In this case, a person does what she or he wants regardless of what others think. For our nonconformity day, I chose to say “I like you” to some of my friends. Of course, this is not something I usually tell them, because it’s such a phrase that could easily get misinterpreted. Normally, people use it only when they talk to their loved ones, or to their potential romantic partners. I rarely hear my friends say this to one another. For this reason, I got used to not using this phrase at all, even though I often feel this way toward the people around me. When I began saying “I like you” to my most special friends last Monday, I realized how fun and sweet (in a non-malicious way) my relationships could become if we were all more vocal and expressive towards one another. It was funny, though, because a few people thought I was just making fun of them. Some, meanwhile, took me a little bit more seriously and told me that they like me too.

I started doing my homework when the clock struck 12:00 AM. I was chatting with a new friend, whom I feel really comfortable with. We were talking about random stuff when I suddenly blurted out, “I like you.” Her reply was sort of like this – “Haha. :|” Obviously, she didn’t take me seriously. She also didn’t know how to react (take a look at the smiley). Sabi niya, binobola ko raw siya. This reaction didn’t shock me, because most likely I’d react in the same way if somebody told me that same thing. Aside from that, I became extra honest with her and I told her how much I trust her and appreciate our friendship. She told me she feels the same way, and I was very happy about that. It felt good because I knew I was being true to myself and to my feelings.

I arrived at CWTS and I told the same thing to my Chem friends. I told each of them that I like them. Some thought that it’s just part of my extreme mood swings. Some didn’t mind me. Perhaps, they thought it’s just one of my extra weird days. One of my friends appreciated what I’ve just told him, and he told me he feels the same way. I also became extra sweet and extra non-conventional with my friends. I held their hands (which I do not really do) during that day. HH with friends. Fortunately, they didn’t find something wrong or unusual with it so I didn’t have to explain anything. I really hate it when people add malice to purely friendly gestures. I was happy that my friends thought in the same way.

By the end of the day, I realized that I like the day-of-nonconformity me more than my normal self. One factor that kept me from doing what I wanted was the large number of the people around me who are also not expressive as I was. Another was the culture that I’ve been accustomed to. Filipinos often associate the word “like” with romance or even lust, and seldom use that word in reference to friends. What hampered me from expressing myself more openly was my fear of being judged by other people. I discovered that my hindrance was sort of imaginary, because I saw how positive the reaction of my friends were to me last Monday. I also realized that maybe we all were thinking in the same way. After all, I know a lot of friends who just aren’t confident and comfortable in showing others their feelings. The positive outcome of my nonconformity day resulted to my decision to keep myself that way. Since Monday, I haven’t changed a bit in the manner I treat my friends. I became more open and expressive to them, and I’m glad to say that they had a very good response. One of my friends started talking to me about his personal thoughts and relationships. Not that we didn’t talk about anything before the non-conformity day, but it surely helped him when I made him feel that I accepted him for who he was. I just realized that some people really need affirmation when it comes to relationships. I’m really happy about what I did. Well, it’s not really a pronounced non-conformity, but it was something I wasn’t used to doing and saying. It’s actually fun whenever I tell my friends that line, “I like you”, and they say outright that they don’t believe me. After all, I have my entire lifetime to prove them that I mean every word in that phrase. ☺ Certainly, this activity has helped me a lot, and I’d recommend others to try it too. It’s really amazing how much a person could discover about herself and her relationships after one fun nonconformity day.

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Personality :)

It’s not my first time to answer a test that is able to quantify my personality. I remember being asked to fill out personality tests back in Guidance Class during High School. Whenever the results came out, I was usually excited to know how I fared. Though I can say that a lot of conclusions made from the tests certainly describe me, there were also some assumptions that made me blurt “ANOOOOOO?” Honestly, I felt the same way and said the same things while I was reading my IPIP-Neo narrative report, which was based on Costa and McCrae’s Five Factor model. Of course, I didn’t keep the results to myself. I asked my close friend, Kim, to judge the accuracy of the test.

I scored relatively high in the first factor – extraversion (84). According to the test, extraverts are enthusiastic and active people who enjoy being with large crowds. I am not surprised with what it tells about me, and I certainly agree with it. It just confirmed the results of a personality test I took in my 4th year in High School. I really love hanging out with my friends and classmates. I’d like to say that I’m a very social being. It isn’t difficult for me to talk to total strangers and mingle with different people. I also open up to people easily. I think I’m a friendly person. Meanwhile, I noticed that as compared to the other components of extraversion, my score was only average in gregariousness. The definition of this trait says that those who scored low do not really dislike being around people, rather, they just give value to privacy. I agree with my average score because even though I appreciate lots of bonding time with my friends, I also appreciate having some time alone. I also agree with the results in the other components. I’m assertive in a way that I usually play an active role in my barkada. My activity level is high because I try to involve myself with lots of activities that would keep me busy. One proof is my willingness to join a number of UP organizations, because I really enjoy excitement in different tasks. Kim told me that she really agrees with this part of the test. She recalled how easy it was for me to talk to strangers about random things and to make new friends easily. She also told me how assertive I was as a friend. She even remembered some instances where I was able to talk her to do crazy things while we were having fun in the barkada.


I got only a 49 in the agreeableness part. This part should show how much I value harmony in a group with regard to my own interests. The test claims that I do care for people, but I couldn’t help but prioritize my self-interest. I noticed that my scores for the components of this factor were in extremes. I scored really low in cooperation (7) and modesty (14), whereas the other values were high. This set of numbers suggests that when it comes to agreeableness, I’m an unpredictable person. I agree with this, because I’ve already experienced several times how difficult it was to decide about things involving my traits concerning agreeableness. When it comes to group discussions, I confront people whenever I think things aren’t going well. I don’t like sacrificing excellence over harmony. I find the score too low, though, because there have also been many times when I just let the others lead. Kim also disagrees with this result. She claims that I’m a natural leader, but I also am cooperative. I move out of the way when I know other people have better plans. Moving on, I’d like to say that I got bothered upon seeing how I rated in the modesty component. Apparently, I think very highly of myself. I feel neutral about this. There are really times when I feel high and successful, especially after an achievement, but there are also times that I feel inferior. Also, Kim believes that I’m not that type of person who thinks in that matter. With regard to trust, meanwhile, I disagree with the results. While it says that I easily trust people, I feel otherwise. I just realized that I do have trust issues. I easily share random things about me to my friends, but when it comes to the most serious stuff, I begin to doubt other people. Aside from this, I also like helping people, which explains why I try to join organizations that reach out to people I can help. This shows the altruistic and sympathetic sides of my personality. Kim recalled how I enjoyed volunteering in tutorial sessions just to help other students. Somehow, I’m not surprised to see that my score in morality wasn’t very high. In dealing with people, I find it necessary not to tell them everything. To me, that’s not being dishonest. I just find it more convenient.


For the third factor, conscientiousness, I only scored 37. This trait describes how people act on their impulses. Each of my scores under this factor was either low or average. I only got 59 in self-efficacy, and it surprised me. The test says that people belonging to the higher percentile of this trait believe that they have the drive and intelligence to be attain success. I also scored only average in the achievement-striving factor (53). I think I should have gotten higher scores in both because I believe I’m hardworking and I always do my best in everything. Kim agrees with me. I’ve always been driven toward success, one example to support this claim is that I am very GC. Meanwhile, I somewhat agree to the results of my other traits under conscientiousness. I’m a very disorderly person. I usually mix things up and forget a lot because I’m not organized. This is why I got a very low score in orderliness. I also agree with what the test says about my dutifulness. Whenever I can, I choose the rules that I follow. I really enjoy having things done in my own way, and sometimes, I feel that the rules or social constructs keep me from being myself. I also think that the result about my self-discipline was accurate. Whenever I have a task, I keep myself from distractions and do my best to concentrate. Lastly, I again feel weird about what the test tells me about my cautiousness. I got a really low value (18), but I think I should have got a little bit higher. I admit that I’ve already committed so much stupid mistakes in my life, because of my impulsive acts. However, when it comes to really important things, I really spend time thinking about my decisions.


As expected, the test results indicate that I’m sort of a neurotic. I and Kim both agree with most parts under this category. I easily get stressed and upset by the slightest things in life. The test shows that my anxiety level is average. This is accurate because there are times when I become pessimistic about what might happen. This is actually one of my problems because anxiety really makes me stressed. In relation to this, I saw that my vulnerability was also high. Another result that didn’t surprise me a bit is the degree of my anger (96). I get mad so easily, and I really suck in anger management. As I have previously implied, I want things to be done in my way. I feel bitter when other people do things that are against my set of beliefs. (I know I should be doing something about this trait now.) The test shows also that I have average depression and self-consciousness. Though I’m an anxious person, I easily forget negative things, which keeps me from being depressed. Also, I’ve grown to believe that I shouldn’t think too much about how others think of me because it would just make me uncomfortable. Sometimes, though, I find it hard to do. I also have a high score in immoderation, which I find inaccurate. Temptation for me is indeed hard to resist; however, I’m not so much of a person who doesn’t have self-control.


I’m most happy about my score in the fifth factor – openness to experience. I got relatively high scores in almost all categories, except for one. I scored only average in intellect. I think I should have gotten a little bit higher because I do enjoy ideas. I even spend time chatting with my dorkmates about our endless and almost impossible ideologies. Putting this aside, most results under neuroticism are accurate because I’m a person who loves to explore and discover new stuff. I love imagining and dreaming. I enjoy thinking out of the box. I also appreciate art and nature a lot. I just realized that I like art recently, when I found myself enjoying in viewing the art exhibits in the topmost floors of different malls. I also like drawing and coloring. In addition to this, I absolutely love photography. The results also show that I have a high emotionality. It is true, because I really express myself and I release my emotions whenever I need or want to. I hate being repressed. My high score in liberalism also shows how I see the importance of change. For example, I’m not really fond of seeing people sticking to too much of traditions and conventions, especially when they become detrimental to the society. Lastly, I am an adventurous person. This is why I really love traveling. I love experiencing new scenes and cultures. Kim even claims that I’m much of a trying-hard superwoman. I’ve always tried to juggle several of my tasks all at once, and I’ve always dreamt more than I could possibly reach.

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The Soundtrack Of My Life

Recently Played: One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks

If I died today and God had asked me how many mistakes I’ve made in my life, I’d probably doubt I’d be allowed to enter heaven. In my eighteen years on earth, I’ve spent much of my time exploring the human world and making mistakes in the process of fulfilling my curiosity. I remember the time when I was still in Grade School - I thought of the world as a really vast space that conceals lots of mysteries waiting to be unraveled. This was the first time I fell in love with science. I was certainly interested in everything surrounding me, and I was very much eager to gain lots of new information. Also, during my school age, I felt the desire to prove myself worthy of other people’s appreciation. It was the period in my life when I was very eager of displaying my knowledge and skills to my family and friends. I somehow enjoyed it every time I was asked to play the piano in front of our visitors, and every time I climbed up the stage during the awarding ceremonies in my school. I strongly felt that there’s a lot that I could prove and show the world. This explains why I could easily reminisce my grade school life upon listening to Jordin Sparks’ “One Step At A Time.”

One Step At A Time

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

When I was 6-12 years of age, I felt that there’s so much around me that I can learn about. However, even if I was curious about everything, I couldn’t have possibly done all the things that I wanted. There are times when I somehow felt limited by my capabilities.

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

The second verse reminds me of how much I wanted to prove everyone that I was the best. Whenever I got a perfect score in school, I went home happily and with pride. I felt that the appreciation and the rewards given by my parents were one of the best things I could experience in my childhood. I can also relate the three previous lines to how I felt whenever I failed to achieve something that I wanted. For example, when I got my first NSH (needs special help, below 75) in Math, I was terribly frustrated and I started doubting my capabilities.

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

One piece of learning I gained during my school age was that there are lots of things to discover, but I don’t necessarily have to do everything all at once. I have all the time ahead of me to explore new things and learn from my mistakes.

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus]

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

[Chorus x2]

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jordinsparks/onestepatatime.html

“One Step At A Time” was the soundtrack of my life during my school age stage. The lyrics remind me of how I wanted to show everyone my abilities. It also makes me remember the mistakes I made that made me feel inferior to everyone else. Now that I’m over this stage, I realized that I learned a lot when I was in Grade School. It’s not just the academics that made me who I am today. It’s the choices and mistakes I’ve gone through during this time of my life.

Now Playing: Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson

When I was in high school, I’ve always been open to everyone that I still didn’t know who exactly I was. Obviously, I was facing what Erikson calls the identity vs. role confusion crisis. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know who I wanted to be. Aside from this, I realized that I was doing too many things at the same time. At first, my cover was that I was just trying to be a well-rounded person, but it recently came to me that I just didn’t know what to choose. I was eager to explore lots about my own personality, but it was very hard for me to commit to what I have chosen to become. I spent a really difficult time in the identity moratorium. Choosing a course was really hard for me, because I was not sure of my goals. My dad kept forcing me to take nursing, but with hard work, I was able to hamper his attempt that could have resulted to my identity foreclosure. Even now that I’m in college, I’m still not certain of who I am. Well, as compared to the last previous years of my life, I’m a little bit confident that I’ve learned a lot through my explorations. One thing I learned is that I want to be a doctor someday, and like several other people, I want to make a change. This explains why my current soundtrack is “Breakaway” by Kelly Clarkson.

Breakaway

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

The last two lines of the first verse shows what I really want in my life – happiness. ☺

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

I can relate the verse above to the egocentrism I feel in this stage of my life. Like what was discussed in our class, adolescents have the tendency to feel that “nobody else understands.” Apparently, I’m one of these people. I often feel that nobody knows me, and nobody understands my outlook in life.

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

The chorus of the song reminds me of my goals. I want to spread my wings and fly. I want to be the best that I can be. I’m willing to take risks, just so I can make a change. Now that I am discovering my identity and purpose, I will strive hard to be successful.

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kellyclarkson/breakaway.html

To Be Released Soon: Dreamlover by Mariah Carey

Like what Erikson says, the next stage that I’d be facing in my life involves the intimacy vs. isolation dilemma. I will start seeking for people I want to be with for the rest of my life. Of course, this stage involves finding a person who can complement who I am, a person whom I can depend on and love. Mariah Carey’s “Dreamlover” describes how I want the next stage of my life to turn out.

Dreamlover

I need a lover to give me
The kind of love that will last always
I need somebody uplifting
To take me away babe...oh yeah yeah
I want a lover who knows me yeah
Who understands how I feel inside
Someone to comfort and hold me
Through the long lonely nights
Till the dawn
Why don't you take me away

Dreamlover come rescue me
Take me up take me down
Take me anywhere you want to baby now
I need you so desperately
Won't you please come around
'Cause I wanna share forever with you baby

I don't want another pretender
To disillusion me one more time
Whispering words of forever
Playin with my mind
No No (no no no no no no no)
I need someone to hold on to
The kind of love that won't fly away
I just want someone to belong to
Everyday
Of my life
Always
So come and take me away

Dreamlover come rescue me
Take me up take me down
Take me anywhere you want to baby now
I need you so desperately
Won't you please come around
'Cause I wanna share forever with you baby

oh yeah yeah
yeah yeah
baby come and take me away

Dreamlover come rescue me
Take me up take me down
Take me anywhere you want to baby now
I need you so desperately
Won't you please come around -won't you please, pleeeaaassseee
'Cause I wanna share forever with you baby


take me down whoa whoa whoaaa
Won't you please come around

'Cause I wanna share forever with you baby

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Dreamlover-lyrics-Mariah-Carey/E6C01EE98CE8A5BB48256862001335D2

I absolutely want to be with somebody who will accept me for who I am. Since I am spending a hard time finding my own identity, it would be rewarding to find someone who can appreciate the things that I know about myself. I also want to find someone who can stay by my side through fun and hard times.

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M vs M

I’ve always hated making decisions. Maybe it’s the feeling of confusion over the choice about to be made, or perhaps the fear of the consequences of my decision. Actually, it’s a mixture of both. I hate having to make choices, especially hard ones, because it stresses me so much. I’m hardly a decisive person. My choice almost changes instantaneously as time passes. When there are deadlines, I rarely meet them with confidence in my decision.

It takes long for me to finally accept the fact that I have to make a decision. Normally, I enjoy it more to watch things fall into place without me thinking about them. Of course, it’s not possible for me to go on with life without making choices. When I realize that I need to make a choice, I first think of what I want to happen in the future. Then, I think of the options I have. I also try to identify the ideal characteristics of a perfect choice and outcome. After this, I try to evaluate my choices, comparing them to that ideal choice and to one another. The last step I make is to select my option. Though it seems as if I follow each of these steps in decision-making, it doesn’t mean that I’m able to do so effectively.

One of the latest and most important decisions I’ve just made was about what kind of vehicle I was going to buy. Manual or Matic? I had asked my parents to buy me a car for my 18th birthday. I enrolled in a driving school last summer, and the car I used was manual. At first, I was very eager about learning how to drive. Soon, however, I realized that driving wasn’t exactly my thing. I almost never got used to making the car start running. Somehow, I kept encouraging myself that I could get through it. Perhaps I needed to practice just a bit more. I was overconfident. Even though I wasn’t ready to drive, I already asked my mom to get me a manual. It was a bad decision.

I ended up settling for manual because of several influences. First, my father wanted me to drive a manual car. He reasoned out that manual cars were cheaper, and had lower gas consumption. Talking to some of my guy friends changed nothing. They said that a manual would be much cooler because I’d be in total control of the vehicle. It would be much easier to speed up than in automatic. Well, I still have nothing against the things they said. Apparently, most of them were true. Soon enough, I believed I should be crossing out the automatic in my list. It relieved me somehow to see that automatic cars really do cost more than manual ones. I was convinced that I was on the right path. Many of my other friends commented that I should just get a matic, so I can pull myself out of the possible stress of driving a manual. Indeed, based on experience, it was a lot easier to drive an automatic – it was a lot like riding a bump car. However, I insisted to them that I’m not the lazy type of person. I said I was up to the challenge. I had so much excuses to convince myself and others that manual was still better for me. From this point, it could be seen that I committed the confirmation bias. I almost rebutted my friends who thought I should just buy a matic. Aside from this, I had too much belief in my decision, which was why I also had the overconfidence bias. Without much basis and experience on either type of car, I immediately decided on what to get. I wasn’t even finished with my driving lessons when I made the choice. I thought I could just get over it easily, but now, I think I’ve proven myself wrong.

I realized what I missed during my decision-making process. I wasn’t able to identify all the relevant dimensions for evaluating the alternative to the choice I made. Back then, I only thought about money and prestige. True enough, driving a manual car could save me some money, but I failed to realize other important aspects I should have considered too. One of that was comfort. Quezon City always has major congestion problems, and driving a manual in this area may be difficult. I also realized that driving a manual takes my entire concentration, whereas it’s so much easier when I'm driving an automatic. It’s also quite tiring, having to use my left foot and my right hand when they could just be resting. Now, I’m wondering if I really made the right choice. Actually, my mom’s wondering too. Until now, I haven’t gotten the hang of driving the manual. As a consequence, my car’s just stuck inside our parking lot, because I can’t make it work without something going wrong. Obviously, I’d have no choice but to try harder, because I already bought it.

It often crosses my mind how it would have been if I just got an automatic. Probably, if I did get a matic, I'd already be driving myself to school right now. I wouldn’t have to bother my mother to fetch me whenever it’s raining or when I have heavy stuff to bring to school. On the brighter side, I’m thinking that maybe this would pass. Maybe I was right in the first place (oops, hindsight bias!). Maybe I could be better than how I am now. But If I were to assess my decision based on what’s going on right now, I know I should have bought an automatic instead. So much for my hasty decision-making.

1. C 2. C 3. C 4. C 5. C

Mga Munting Tinig

Last Thursday was the first time I joined an ACLE. It was sort of a requirement for my application process in the UP Zoological Society. The program consisted of a film viewing (“Mga Munting Tinig”) and a short talk from a young professor in UPIS. I was very happy to know that we were going to watch that movie, because I heard it was really good. Actually, Alessandra de Rossi, the lead actress, gained lots of recognitions because of “Mga Munting Tinig”. The film revolved around the story of Melinda Santiago, a fresh college graduate who decided to teach in Malawig Elementary School. Despite opportunities abroad, she chose to pursue her passion in a small rural community, hoping that her presence would somehow make an impact to the lives of people who suffered from poverty. She was surprised to see the malpractice of her co-teachers and even the principal in Malawig Elementary School. In her first days of work, she learned that not all the students went to class everyday because their parents didn’t believe in the importance of school. Often, the parents asked their children to help them in the fields. Sabi nga ng mga magulang, sapat na ang matutong magsulat at magbasa dahil lahat naman ng mga anak nila ay sa pagsasaka rin ang bagsak. In the film, only the mother of Popoy and Obet was supportive of her children’s education. A lot of kids wanted to go to school. Despite the demands of his father, one student, hoping that someday he could become a pilot, expressed his desire to continue studying. Sadly, his classmates just laughed at him upon hearing his aspiration. Many of them already gave up on their dreams, because their parents told them that they would just be farmers in the end. Meanwhile, a female student also encountered a similar problem when her mother asked her to stop schooling. The reason was that she would only get married in the end, and what was important was to learn household chores. Melinda saw the situation and hoped to make a difference. She started by just doing her job – uniting her students and reinforcing their belief in education. Melinda told her students that they would someday reach their dreams; nothing was impossible. I remember a scene where she gave away ice candies to those who participated in the lecture. She also kept praising her students for their good qualities. When a chance came, she built a small choir and used her musical skills to teach her students how to sing. She received no support from her co-teachers and the Principal. She had a really hard time convincing the parents to let their children join the choir. Notwithstanding these, she did her best because she wanted to tell the kids that there is hope. The hardest challenge that came along their way was the death of Popoy. The choir somehow lost life and interest in fighting and winning. This event in the movie particularly made me realize the effect of emotional stress in the process of learning and achieving one’s goals. At some points in our life, we lose hope in pursuing our dreams. This is when the people around us play very significant roles that often determine the direction that we would take. After the death of Popoy, Melinda remained strong and hopeful, though it was also very difficult on her part. Through her support, the students regained their optimism, and they worked hard to win.

After the film, an alumna of UPZS was given the chance to share her experience as a teacher in UPIS. When she entered UP, her initial course was Biology. In her upper years, she realized that she wanted to take a different path, so she shifted to Education. She shared to us how she enjoyed having the freedom of being able to teach in the way she believed the students would learn most. However, she also told us that UPIS was the least priority when it comes to the funds of the entire university. Often, teachers like her spend their own money to facilitate their teaching methods. The salary is not really high, but she learned to adapt by finding sidelines. This shows how much she loves teaching. She told us to pursue our passion, even if other people may think we’re already too late.

The movie and the talk inspired me a lot. I learned how passion could push people to do things that many would not understand. I also saw how motivation could drive the learning experience of people. This ACLE changed my views about people who choose to live difficult lives just to fulfill their passion.

Surfing VS Reading

Back in Grade School, I had this habit of eating big meals during our 30-minute recess so I could do whatever I want during lunchtime. Actually, it was very easy for my friends to find me during that 1-hour break, because unlike other students, I won’t be walking and playing around the campus. I usually found myself within the comforts of the air-conditioned library, browsing through the pages of the books in the fiction, Filipiana, or arts section. It was also often that I came home with a borrowed book inside my backpack. I surely enjoyed reading during that time, until High School came and I lost many of my habits to technology. Up to now, I haven’t solved my reading vs. internet problem.

It recently came to me that in the last 5 years, I have unnecessarily devoted much of my free time to chatting and surfing the internet. Every time I arrive home from school, I usually go straight to the computer to check my mail, to chat, and to literally do useless things. In our home, there’s nothing unusual in seeing my brother and I fighting over the computer. It’s really become a senseless and unproductive habit that I now desperately want to get rid of. In place of this, I want to redevelop my long lost routine of reading books whenever I have the chance to. I actually think that my vocabulary sucks, and I really have to catch up on it. This is one of the reasons why I should get back to reading again. Honestly, I’ve already had some failed attempts to fix my reading vs. internet dilemma. I re-checked my New Year’s Resolution this year and this is what I found: “3. Read at least 1 novel once in 2 months.” I only have a few things written in my resolution, so since this is part of it, it shows that I’m fully aware of the value of reading. Ironically, I realized that my most recent resolution didn’t include anything about my excessive use of the internet. Somehow, it took me a very long time to find an association between the two. What I want to happen is for me to lose my habit of wasting my precious free time to doing nothing but repetitively clicking links to websites that I’m not supposed to care about. Specifically, after doing all my research and schoolwork that involves the use of the internet, I should not spend more than two hours chatting and surfing the net. Instead, I should start reading the books I haven’t touched since the day I put them on my shelf. For now, I would try to finish at least one book (that is not required in school) every two months, until I get accustomed to reading. After that, I will improve the ratio. I think 1:2 is the best I can do for now - I don’t want to set high standards that I won’t be able to reach.

Implementation would certainly be the hardest part in my learning and unlearning process. First of all, I’d have to decrease my usage of the internet. I would do this through negative punishment. If I notice myself repetitively checking my multiply, friendster, and email accounts even though nothing has really been updated since I last checked, then it’s time to stand up and unplug the modem in the other room. Also, I could act as a generous sister and simply let my brother to use his laptop (which interferes with my connection). This is a negative punishment because I also use the internet in researching and understanding my lessons more. Also, this is one of my means of communication with my family and friends abroad. If I’d temporarily lose my internet, then I would have to do with my printed sources here at home. I’ll also miss my loved ones that I don’t get to see everyday. However, this is the only way I could fix my internet problem now. Normally, I intertwine my research time with my unnecessary surfing time. I lose a lot of time to this habit, and many times it has led me to procrastination and stress. When I surf before studying, I am bothered by the fact that I still have unfinished stuff to do. I think I must learn how to prioritize and concentrate on doing what I really have to do before devoting time for other unbeneficial interests. Meanwhile, I would develop a reading habit also by operant conditioning. This time, I would use positive reinforcement. I would follow a continuous reinforcement schedule, with a fixed ratio of the number of times I read a book to the number of times I give myself a reward. It was very difficult to define a reward that could get me to read a book, but I finally decided that it would be a jacket. For every 4 books that I’d read, I will buy myself 1 jacket. The jacket is both a material and a secondary reinforcer, because it is an object that could possibly gain a person the appreciation of others. I love jackets, but my mom won’t buy me if there’s no special reason. This is why I chose this as a stimulus, because I know I wouldn’t receive the reward invariably. Also, this reinforcer would lose its sense if I could easily get it without association to the learning of my reading habit. The jacket is not the only reinforcer in this situation. As we all know, reading has lots of benefits, which all relate to knowledge and experience. These two would eventually result to an improved skill in writing, communicating, thinking, analyzing, and many more. I should be motivated to read more because I know it could improve how I think critically and how I relate to other people. Hopefully, later on this habit would continue because of an intrinsic reinforcement, instead of an extrinsic one. I don’t want to end up reading just because I want to get jackets or praises from people. After all, many books are enjoying to read.

1. C 2. C 3. C 4. C 5. C

Sleep. ZZZZ.

Do You Get Enough Sleep?

Answering the question above would not take me even a full second. Without hesitation and deep thinking, my immediate response is an astounding “NO!” Even before taking the Do You Get Enough Sleep test, I already foresaw the results. I don’t get enough sleep. Especially now that the midterms are nearing and the requirements for my subjects are starting to pile up, I’m really finding it hard to sleep for 7 full hours.

Out of the fourteen questions in the test, I answered ten with a “yes”. Actually, before I took it and read the interpretation, I was thinking that I would need to have around 7 or more yes’s for the test to indicate that I’m sleep deprived. I was surprised when I read that the minimum requirement to indicate sleep deprivation was only three. Wow. The number of my yes’s is even more than thrice of this value. This really shows how late I have been staying up lately. During the start of the semester, it was easy for me to wake up by 7:00 AM without hearing my ate knock on my door or hearing my cellphone beep. Lately, I noticed that she had to knock harder and almost bang the door just so I can wake up. I also realized that I’m easily irritated and exhausted. I forget a lot of things and I process things and lessons (especially in Chem) slower than usual. My eyebags are also getting bigger, darker, and more noticeable. During the weekends, I ask the people in my house not to wake me up so I can catch up with my sleep.

To tell the truth, I believe that I value sleep more than a typical person does. I’ve never pulled an all-nighter; I also haven’t tried staying up until 4:00 AM. I sleep because I know I should, and I am aware of the grogginess that could result from an almost sleepless night. I’d say that sleep is actually one of my priorities because it provides me with energy and relaxation. However, my recent activities have kept me from sleeping as much as I should. The first one is obvious – schoolwork. As much as I want to relax, I have so much homework, papers, reports, and papers that I have to pay attention to. Sometimes, the amount of schoolwork I have to do seems unmanageable, but I really try my best to complete everything. Academics is a top priority; thus, it is often that I deduct from my sleeping time just to fulfill my academic duties. I am a relatively slow reader, so I really take much time in studying and reading my books. To compensate for this, I listen more attentively to my professors and practice reading more quickly to speed up my learning process. Also, I got rid of cramming. The second reason behind my lack of sleep should be a more controllable one. It consists of my habit of watching late night television shows, chatting until 1 to 2 AM, and starting a movie just before the night ends. I usually do these to end my day happily, while I’m being entertained. Often times, I feel guilty about this practice, because it has its bad effects on my sleeping habits. I have been doing this for quite a while now, so whenever I finish my school requirements before midnight, I feel weird and I immediately start watching TV or chatting until I finally get sleepy. Now, I find it harder and unnatural to sleep at around 10 PM because my body is used to staying up until the early hours of the next day. Just recently, I realized how ruined my sleeping habit is so I tried to fix it a little bit. After doing all my schoolwork, I quickly unplug the internet so I won’t end up chatting and surfing the internet with my remaining time. Also, I’ve chosen to watch only specific shows during the night (only those that I really like). I turn on the TV just right before the shows start, and I turn it off right after, for the sake of saving time and electricity. I learned how to sacrifice watching and surfing for my health.

The test has indeed proven that I am sleep deprived. When it comes to schoolwork, I couldn’t really do much about it. I just have to do my best and make do with the time I have. I also eliminated habitual cramming so I don’t end up with unmanageable workload. Meanwhile, other reasons for my sleep deprivation could be prevented. It’s not wrong to spend some time of the day enjoying, but I should always make sure that I’m giving my body the amount of rest it deserves.

1. C 2. C 3. C 4. C 5. C

The Vastness of Psych

2007-44172
Corrina P. Azarcon
From love surveys to bargains up to sterilized cockroaches – This group sharing made me realize how much Psychology can encompass. While I was listening to my group mates, I could not help but notice how different were the kinds of articles each of us discussed. Mine was the one about the relationship of threats and good bargains. I told them that I chose that article because I was particularly interested in bargaining. Actually, when I clicked the link to the article in the Internet, I was thinking of bargaining as something people do whenever they’re buying. I was actually thinking of a scenario in Greenhills or in 168. In fact, I was secretly hoping that I could get some tips on how to bargain so that I could make better deals whenever I’m shopping. After I read it, I realized that I don’t just bargain in malls and stores – I bargain every time and everywhere. The researchers mainly used the descriptive and experimental methods. There was no problem with the operationalization, also, the variables were easy to measure. I think the main limit of this study is the number of participants. The research only involved a few participants. When I was sharing it to the group, I mentioned the analogy made in the article – If a neighbor asked me to water her plants while she’s away, then it would be perfectly fine with me; however, If she threatens to destroy all my plants if I won’t water hers, then that would be a different thing. Threats indeed result to resentment. Ponyang chose her article for the same reason as mine. The title “why we get disgusted” made her curious. Actually, I, too, found her article interesting. A glass of orange juice with a sterilized cockroach dipped in it… I’d certainly hesitate if I were asked to drink from that glass! It turns out from the study that people usually think that clean things become dirty when put beside a “dirty” thing. I think the experiment was performed systematically, and the naturalistic observations seem to be valid. I have observed this phenomenon a lot of times already. Thus, the conclusion makes sense to me. Lee, meanwhile, chose a more cliché topic, and that is – love. “How do I know that I’m in love?” It’s a question that a lot of people have already asked, and Lee found it interesting. He even joked that he wants to confirm if he’s in love. However, as the researcher openly admitted, it is very hard to quantify love. The study was conducted by asking people who are in love about how they feel. The interviewees gave out really interesting answers, but I somehow doubt whether the conclusions are valid enough to be published. I think that love is a very vague and complicated feeling that can’t be quantified. Also, different people may experience it in very different ways. In contrast to the aforementioned articles, the article that Eira has chosen was more on the serious side of Psychology. It’s about the likelihood of college students to develop alcohol-use disorder in relation to the history of their families’ alcoholism. She said she chose it because she could relate to the topic. It was conducted using surveys answered by college students, and the relationship of the factors was determined. I think this is the best method that could be used to answer the research question, because the factors can’t be controlled in an experiment. This study is very relevant, especially for the lives of young college students. Research studies such as this must be often conducted in order to understand students more, thus enabling their respective schools and peers to help and assist them. Camille, meanwhile, brought an article that I found quite too technical. The research problem was, in fact, “why are there systematic differences between people?” Honestly, it appeared somehow boring to me. I’d like to know the results, but the research article was quite hard to read. The terms were too scientific. Camille, however, expressed her interest in that study. Perhaps, she has the makings of a hardcore psychologist. The descriptive and correlational methods were both used to facilitate the research. I think the problem is that they interviewed only psychiatrists about military patients. The fact that the interviewees were all psychiatrists and the other participants were patients may have distorted the generalization. All in all, I’d say that each of us in the group has found our own interests within Psychology. We were all curious in the behavior of people in very different situations. All of us found really nice articles that were filled with new knowledge. Indeed, there’s always a lot more to discover about human behavior. It is important, however, to be careful of what we are reading. While we were searching online, a lot of articles popped out, but many research articles did not seem to have sufficient evidence to prove their claims. Our group realized that we have to be responsible readers so that we could find the right knowledge that we are seeking for. I also learned the importance of choosing the right method carefully for each experiment. For Lee’s love survey, for example, experimental and correlational methods would not have been appropriate. At all times, researchers have to thoroughly think about what kind of data they to obtain in the experiment so that they could identify which methods they should follow.
Based on how each of the members shared his or her article, it’s easy to say that all of us enjoyed researching and learning new ideas that are all related to Psychology. The next things that we discussed were the studies that we were willing to participate in and the research groups that we wanted to be part of. Camille said that she’s willing to research about anything, but will only participate in a study similar to that conducted in her and my article. Lee, meanwhile, said that he’s only willing to participate in the love survey. He even added that it’s a bit scary to join the other experiments. Like Camille, it’s okay for him to be part of any research group. I, also, am willing to be part of any of the research groups, but I won’t be willing to participate in all. It’s easy for me to give my personal answer on how it feels to be in love. It’s also fine with me to be part of the percentage of students who would not drink from the glass of orange juice with a cockroach. It also won’t be hard to answer a questionnaire about how many alcoholics we have in the family. However, I won’t be as eager to participate in studies that would ask me to reveal a lot of personal information about myself. I admit that I am not as comfortable as the others whenever I answer standardized tests that require me to reflect seriously and deeply. I honestly don’t like answering questions about my own personality and behavior. Perhaps my other group mates felt the same way, that’s why we all carefully thought about which studies we would be willing to participate in. We all seem to treasure our own privacy. It is interesting, though, that we all want to learn about other people, but we refuse letting other people to know us more. Maybe, this is another thing that could be explained by Psychology.
In our group brainstorming, we tried to look for an interesting topic that we’d like to research on. I suddenly remembered a question that I have always wanted to explore before – “Do people’s knowledge about the fact that they’re drinking an alcoholic beverage affect how they would behave and act after drinking the said beverage?” It’s similar to the placebo effect used in the study of the effectivity of drugs. This topic interests me a lot because I have observed people behave after drinking. Though some appear to be really drunk, some others seem as if they’re just acting. I’d like to understand if it’s just my thinking, or maybe I could be right. Aside from naturalistic observation, this research could be done using an experimental method. Participants would be told that they would be tested to see how strong the effect of a new alcoholic beverage is. Then, they would undergo an initial physical test (counting, walking on straight lines) that will serve as the reference of their real sober behavior. Next, they would be asked to drink a bottle of either non-alcoholic or an alcoholic beverage. Then, they would be asked to take the physical test again. The independent variable is the presence of alcohol in the drink, while the dependent variable is the comparison of the initial and final physical tests of the participants. Of course, we’d have to debrief all participants as soon as the experiment ends.
In conclusion, I’d say that this group discussion was really productive. However, the allotted time was really short to allow us to ponder deeply about the questions. I think Psychology related studies could not be performed hastily, because it requires quite some time for researchers to think and ponder deeply about the study. It was not easy for us to critique the researches done in each of the articles because we had to have enough knowledge about the studies. This discussion has broadened my knowledge about the scope of Psychology. I was amazed by the vastness of Psychology as a science. Psychology indeed encompasses many of the most interesting studies about humans.