M vs M

I’ve always hated making decisions. Maybe it’s the feeling of confusion over the choice about to be made, or perhaps the fear of the consequences of my decision. Actually, it’s a mixture of both. I hate having to make choices, especially hard ones, because it stresses me so much. I’m hardly a decisive person. My choice almost changes instantaneously as time passes. When there are deadlines, I rarely meet them with confidence in my decision.

It takes long for me to finally accept the fact that I have to make a decision. Normally, I enjoy it more to watch things fall into place without me thinking about them. Of course, it’s not possible for me to go on with life without making choices. When I realize that I need to make a choice, I first think of what I want to happen in the future. Then, I think of the options I have. I also try to identify the ideal characteristics of a perfect choice and outcome. After this, I try to evaluate my choices, comparing them to that ideal choice and to one another. The last step I make is to select my option. Though it seems as if I follow each of these steps in decision-making, it doesn’t mean that I’m able to do so effectively.

One of the latest and most important decisions I’ve just made was about what kind of vehicle I was going to buy. Manual or Matic? I had asked my parents to buy me a car for my 18th birthday. I enrolled in a driving school last summer, and the car I used was manual. At first, I was very eager about learning how to drive. Soon, however, I realized that driving wasn’t exactly my thing. I almost never got used to making the car start running. Somehow, I kept encouraging myself that I could get through it. Perhaps I needed to practice just a bit more. I was overconfident. Even though I wasn’t ready to drive, I already asked my mom to get me a manual. It was a bad decision.

I ended up settling for manual because of several influences. First, my father wanted me to drive a manual car. He reasoned out that manual cars were cheaper, and had lower gas consumption. Talking to some of my guy friends changed nothing. They said that a manual would be much cooler because I’d be in total control of the vehicle. It would be much easier to speed up than in automatic. Well, I still have nothing against the things they said. Apparently, most of them were true. Soon enough, I believed I should be crossing out the automatic in my list. It relieved me somehow to see that automatic cars really do cost more than manual ones. I was convinced that I was on the right path. Many of my other friends commented that I should just get a matic, so I can pull myself out of the possible stress of driving a manual. Indeed, based on experience, it was a lot easier to drive an automatic – it was a lot like riding a bump car. However, I insisted to them that I’m not the lazy type of person. I said I was up to the challenge. I had so much excuses to convince myself and others that manual was still better for me. From this point, it could be seen that I committed the confirmation bias. I almost rebutted my friends who thought I should just buy a matic. Aside from this, I had too much belief in my decision, which was why I also had the overconfidence bias. Without much basis and experience on either type of car, I immediately decided on what to get. I wasn’t even finished with my driving lessons when I made the choice. I thought I could just get over it easily, but now, I think I’ve proven myself wrong.

I realized what I missed during my decision-making process. I wasn’t able to identify all the relevant dimensions for evaluating the alternative to the choice I made. Back then, I only thought about money and prestige. True enough, driving a manual car could save me some money, but I failed to realize other important aspects I should have considered too. One of that was comfort. Quezon City always has major congestion problems, and driving a manual in this area may be difficult. I also realized that driving a manual takes my entire concentration, whereas it’s so much easier when I'm driving an automatic. It’s also quite tiring, having to use my left foot and my right hand when they could just be resting. Now, I’m wondering if I really made the right choice. Actually, my mom’s wondering too. Until now, I haven’t gotten the hang of driving the manual. As a consequence, my car’s just stuck inside our parking lot, because I can’t make it work without something going wrong. Obviously, I’d have no choice but to try harder, because I already bought it.

It often crosses my mind how it would have been if I just got an automatic. Probably, if I did get a matic, I'd already be driving myself to school right now. I wouldn’t have to bother my mother to fetch me whenever it’s raining or when I have heavy stuff to bring to school. On the brighter side, I’m thinking that maybe this would pass. Maybe I was right in the first place (oops, hindsight bias!). Maybe I could be better than how I am now. But If I were to assess my decision based on what’s going on right now, I know I should have bought an automatic instead. So much for my hasty decision-making.

1. C 2. C 3. C 4. C 5. C

Mga Munting Tinig

Last Thursday was the first time I joined an ACLE. It was sort of a requirement for my application process in the UP Zoological Society. The program consisted of a film viewing (“Mga Munting Tinig”) and a short talk from a young professor in UPIS. I was very happy to know that we were going to watch that movie, because I heard it was really good. Actually, Alessandra de Rossi, the lead actress, gained lots of recognitions because of “Mga Munting Tinig”. The film revolved around the story of Melinda Santiago, a fresh college graduate who decided to teach in Malawig Elementary School. Despite opportunities abroad, she chose to pursue her passion in a small rural community, hoping that her presence would somehow make an impact to the lives of people who suffered from poverty. She was surprised to see the malpractice of her co-teachers and even the principal in Malawig Elementary School. In her first days of work, she learned that not all the students went to class everyday because their parents didn’t believe in the importance of school. Often, the parents asked their children to help them in the fields. Sabi nga ng mga magulang, sapat na ang matutong magsulat at magbasa dahil lahat naman ng mga anak nila ay sa pagsasaka rin ang bagsak. In the film, only the mother of Popoy and Obet was supportive of her children’s education. A lot of kids wanted to go to school. Despite the demands of his father, one student, hoping that someday he could become a pilot, expressed his desire to continue studying. Sadly, his classmates just laughed at him upon hearing his aspiration. Many of them already gave up on their dreams, because their parents told them that they would just be farmers in the end. Meanwhile, a female student also encountered a similar problem when her mother asked her to stop schooling. The reason was that she would only get married in the end, and what was important was to learn household chores. Melinda saw the situation and hoped to make a difference. She started by just doing her job – uniting her students and reinforcing their belief in education. Melinda told her students that they would someday reach their dreams; nothing was impossible. I remember a scene where she gave away ice candies to those who participated in the lecture. She also kept praising her students for their good qualities. When a chance came, she built a small choir and used her musical skills to teach her students how to sing. She received no support from her co-teachers and the Principal. She had a really hard time convincing the parents to let their children join the choir. Notwithstanding these, she did her best because she wanted to tell the kids that there is hope. The hardest challenge that came along their way was the death of Popoy. The choir somehow lost life and interest in fighting and winning. This event in the movie particularly made me realize the effect of emotional stress in the process of learning and achieving one’s goals. At some points in our life, we lose hope in pursuing our dreams. This is when the people around us play very significant roles that often determine the direction that we would take. After the death of Popoy, Melinda remained strong and hopeful, though it was also very difficult on her part. Through her support, the students regained their optimism, and they worked hard to win.

After the film, an alumna of UPZS was given the chance to share her experience as a teacher in UPIS. When she entered UP, her initial course was Biology. In her upper years, she realized that she wanted to take a different path, so she shifted to Education. She shared to us how she enjoyed having the freedom of being able to teach in the way she believed the students would learn most. However, she also told us that UPIS was the least priority when it comes to the funds of the entire university. Often, teachers like her spend their own money to facilitate their teaching methods. The salary is not really high, but she learned to adapt by finding sidelines. This shows how much she loves teaching. She told us to pursue our passion, even if other people may think we’re already too late.

The movie and the talk inspired me a lot. I learned how passion could push people to do things that many would not understand. I also saw how motivation could drive the learning experience of people. This ACLE changed my views about people who choose to live difficult lives just to fulfill their passion.

Surfing VS Reading

Back in Grade School, I had this habit of eating big meals during our 30-minute recess so I could do whatever I want during lunchtime. Actually, it was very easy for my friends to find me during that 1-hour break, because unlike other students, I won’t be walking and playing around the campus. I usually found myself within the comforts of the air-conditioned library, browsing through the pages of the books in the fiction, Filipiana, or arts section. It was also often that I came home with a borrowed book inside my backpack. I surely enjoyed reading during that time, until High School came and I lost many of my habits to technology. Up to now, I haven’t solved my reading vs. internet problem.

It recently came to me that in the last 5 years, I have unnecessarily devoted much of my free time to chatting and surfing the internet. Every time I arrive home from school, I usually go straight to the computer to check my mail, to chat, and to literally do useless things. In our home, there’s nothing unusual in seeing my brother and I fighting over the computer. It’s really become a senseless and unproductive habit that I now desperately want to get rid of. In place of this, I want to redevelop my long lost routine of reading books whenever I have the chance to. I actually think that my vocabulary sucks, and I really have to catch up on it. This is one of the reasons why I should get back to reading again. Honestly, I’ve already had some failed attempts to fix my reading vs. internet dilemma. I re-checked my New Year’s Resolution this year and this is what I found: “3. Read at least 1 novel once in 2 months.” I only have a few things written in my resolution, so since this is part of it, it shows that I’m fully aware of the value of reading. Ironically, I realized that my most recent resolution didn’t include anything about my excessive use of the internet. Somehow, it took me a very long time to find an association between the two. What I want to happen is for me to lose my habit of wasting my precious free time to doing nothing but repetitively clicking links to websites that I’m not supposed to care about. Specifically, after doing all my research and schoolwork that involves the use of the internet, I should not spend more than two hours chatting and surfing the net. Instead, I should start reading the books I haven’t touched since the day I put them on my shelf. For now, I would try to finish at least one book (that is not required in school) every two months, until I get accustomed to reading. After that, I will improve the ratio. I think 1:2 is the best I can do for now - I don’t want to set high standards that I won’t be able to reach.

Implementation would certainly be the hardest part in my learning and unlearning process. First of all, I’d have to decrease my usage of the internet. I would do this through negative punishment. If I notice myself repetitively checking my multiply, friendster, and email accounts even though nothing has really been updated since I last checked, then it’s time to stand up and unplug the modem in the other room. Also, I could act as a generous sister and simply let my brother to use his laptop (which interferes with my connection). This is a negative punishment because I also use the internet in researching and understanding my lessons more. Also, this is one of my means of communication with my family and friends abroad. If I’d temporarily lose my internet, then I would have to do with my printed sources here at home. I’ll also miss my loved ones that I don’t get to see everyday. However, this is the only way I could fix my internet problem now. Normally, I intertwine my research time with my unnecessary surfing time. I lose a lot of time to this habit, and many times it has led me to procrastination and stress. When I surf before studying, I am bothered by the fact that I still have unfinished stuff to do. I think I must learn how to prioritize and concentrate on doing what I really have to do before devoting time for other unbeneficial interests. Meanwhile, I would develop a reading habit also by operant conditioning. This time, I would use positive reinforcement. I would follow a continuous reinforcement schedule, with a fixed ratio of the number of times I read a book to the number of times I give myself a reward. It was very difficult to define a reward that could get me to read a book, but I finally decided that it would be a jacket. For every 4 books that I’d read, I will buy myself 1 jacket. The jacket is both a material and a secondary reinforcer, because it is an object that could possibly gain a person the appreciation of others. I love jackets, but my mom won’t buy me if there’s no special reason. This is why I chose this as a stimulus, because I know I wouldn’t receive the reward invariably. Also, this reinforcer would lose its sense if I could easily get it without association to the learning of my reading habit. The jacket is not the only reinforcer in this situation. As we all know, reading has lots of benefits, which all relate to knowledge and experience. These two would eventually result to an improved skill in writing, communicating, thinking, analyzing, and many more. I should be motivated to read more because I know it could improve how I think critically and how I relate to other people. Hopefully, later on this habit would continue because of an intrinsic reinforcement, instead of an extrinsic one. I don’t want to end up reading just because I want to get jackets or praises from people. After all, many books are enjoying to read.

1. C 2. C 3. C 4. C 5. C